Understanding social anxiety: warning signs to watch for in your child

By: Marissa Pollet

It’s normal for children to feel shy or nervous in new situations, like the first day of school or meeting peers in social situations. If this fear becomes intense, persistent, and starts interfering with daily life, your child may be struggling with social anxiety.

Unlike typical shyness, social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition that can cause children to avoid social situations entirely for fear of embarrassment, judgment, or failure. Left untreated, it can grow stronger over time, especially as children transition into new environments and social settings.

If you sense social anxiety may be affecting your child, what can you do to help? Let’s explore the early warning signs of social anxiety in children, how symptoms may shift as they grow, and how you can support your child both at home and with professional help when needed.

What Is Social Anxiety in Children?

Social anxiety disorder in children is characterized by an intense fear of social or performance situations, such as speaking in front of others, being called on in class, or joining group activities. These fears go beyond typical nerves as they are persistent, disruptive and cause significant emotional distress and long-term avoidance behaviors if not address properly.

Warning Signs Your Child May Have Social Anxiety

Children may not always be able to articulate or understand what they’re feeling, so it’s important to look for behavioral and emotional cues.

Common signs include:

• Frequent complaints of stomachaches or headaches before school or social events. These can come on suddenly as the anticipation of the event builds

• Crying, tantrums, or meltdowns before going to parties, school, or group activities

• Avoiding eye contact or speaking very softly

• Refusing to speak in class, even when they know the answer

• Withdrawing from peers or spending most of their time alone

• Intense fear of being judged, teased, or embarrassed

• Worrying for days or weeks in advance about an upcoming social event

• Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes in front of others

For younger children, these signs may be harder to spot, especially if they are naturally quiet. But the key difference is the level of distress they cause and impact on daily functioning.

How Social Anxiety Changes as Children Grow

Social anxiety doesn’t stay static; it often evolves as your child’s social world becomes more complex as they face more intense and frequent social situations, causing them distress.

In Elementary School:

• Children may cling to parents, refuse to participate in class, or avoid group play.

• Anxiety might show up as physical complaints (e.g., stomachaches, headaches).

• Teachers may describe them as “quiet,” “withdrawn,” or “shy”

In Middle School/ High School:

• The fear of peer judgment increases, and children may become more self-critical and aware of social criticism.

• Avoidance behaviors may intensify as they may begin to refuse to attend school, skip presentations, or avoid the lunchroom.

• Social comparisons and awareness of social dynamics make anxiety more internalized as children may mask symptoms but suffer silently.

As children grow, their social environment becomes more demanding and stressful, making early intervention especially important if you can spot the warning signs your child is struggling.

What Parents Can Do to Support a Child with Social Anxiety

The good news is, with the right support, children with social anxiety can thrive. Here are ways you can help:

1. Normalize Their Feelings

• Let your child know that it’s okay to feel nervous in social situations. Validate their feelings and concerns and help them to feel heard.

• Avoid minimizing their fears (“There’s nothing to be scared of!”) and instead use validating language: “It makes sense that you're nervous about your presentation. A lot of people feel that way.”

2. Encourage Small Steps

• Help them set manageable goals, like saying “hi” to a peer or answering one question in class.

• Praise effort, not outcome. The goal is facing fears, not perfection. Little steps that your child can do to employ courage socially and feel ok is more than enough.

3. Model Confident Social Behavior

• Children learn a lot by watching. Demonstrate calm, confident behavior in social settings. Strike up conversations that have healthy give and take and result in positive social outcomes.

• Talk openly about how you handle your own social nerves. “I have felt nervous in these exact situations, I understand how you feel.”

4. Teach Coping Skills

• Practice deep breathing or grounding techniques together.

• Role-play social scenarios to build confidence.

• Discuss what’s factual about their fears versus a storyline that have created.

5. Avoid Overprotection

• While it’s natural to want to shield your child, over-accommodating their anxiety can unintentionally reinforce it.

• Instead, support them through discomfort rather than removing the trigger entirely.When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child’s anxiety may persist or worsen. It may be time to consult a mental health professional if:

• Anxiety is interfering with school, friendships, or family life

• Your child refuses to participate in age-appropriate activities

• You see increased isolation, depression, or low self-esteem

• They show physical symptoms like panic attacks, shortness of breath, or nausea related to social situations

• Your efforts at home aren’t improving the situation

Breaking Down the Door of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety in children is more than shyness; it’s a treatable condition that deserves attention and compassion. The earlier it’s recognized, the better the chances your child has to build resilience, confidence, and a strong sense of self-worth. If you sense that your child is struggling, chose the path that will set them up for lifelong confidence and breaks down the door that social anxiety has created.

Our team of caring professionals at Inspired Wellness are here to provide support and guidance towards your path of mental wellness. We believe that every individual has the ability to be the best version of themselves and our goal is to set you up with the tools to maintain a well- balanced life that will place you on the path towards lifelong change. We strive to create a non-judgmental environment coupled with therapeutic practices that are tailored towards each individual. At Inspired Wellness our team aims to do exactly as our name says, inspire you towards a beautiful life of strength and wellness!