Loving Someone Through the Struggle of Mental Illness: How to Be Supportive Without Losing Yourself in the Process

By: Marissa Pollet

When someone you love is struggling with a mental illness, it can quietly change your world in many unforeseen ways. You may want to fix the pain, say the right thing, or take the weight off their shoulders which can lead to you feeling tired, confused, or emotionally drained. Supporting someone you love is meaningful work, but it should not come at the cost of losing yourself. It should be a role that allows your loved one to feel supported but at the same time respecting your own boundaries and mental health.

What It Can Feel Like to Love Someone Who Is Struggling

Supporting someone with a mental illness often comes with mixed emotions. You may feel compassion and closeness, but also frustration or helplessness. It can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions to navigate on your own.

• You might feel responsible for their mood or progress

• You may worry you’re saying or doing the wrong thing

• You can feel emotionally drained, especially if their struggle is ongoing

• You might feel guilty for needing space or rest

These feelings are normal. Caring deeply makes you a loving person in their life, but it’s important to check – in with yourself regularly to ensure your own mental wellbeing is not suffering.

What Being Supportive Really Looks Like

Being supportive doesn’t mean fixing, rescuing, or sacrificing yourself. Often, it means showing up in steady, manageable ways. It doesn’t have to be a massive amount of daily energy given as well, but a consistent force that is there, waiting to lend support if needed.

• Listen more than you speak, without jumping to solutions

• Validate their feelings instead of minimizing or comparing

• Ask what they need rather than assuming

• Let them know they’re not alone, even on hard days

Sometimes the most powerful support is simply staying present. It’s a simple phone call or text to check-in even when not called upon that can be mentally boosting. Support is shown in many ways, and it does not mean you “have to fix” everything.

How to Support Without Draining Yourself

You can care deeply and still protect your energy. Boundaries are not rejection—they are sustainability.

• Set limits on what you can emotionally and physically handle

• Be truthful to your own needs and wants

• Take breaks without guilt when you need to recharge

• Keep your own routines, interests, and support system

• Remember that their healing is not your responsibility

You are allowed to be supportive and tired. Both can exist at the same time.

Helpful Things to Say and Do

Small, thoughtful actions can go a long way.

• “I’m here with you, even when I don’t have answers.”

• “That sounds really hard. Thank you for telling me.”

• Check in regularly without pressure

• Show silent support by just being there without judgement

• Encourage professional help without forcing it

Consistency matters more than perfection.

What to Avoid

Even with good intentions, some responses can create distance.

• Avoid telling them to “stay positive” or “just push through”

• Don’t take their emotions personally

• Avoid making yourself the sole source of support

• Don’t ignore your own emotional needs• Avoid telling them what choices to make and how to “fix their problems”

Supporting someone should not require losing yourself.

Supporting Yourself and Your Loved Ones

Loving someone with a mental illness asks for patience, empathy, and balance. You don’t need to carry everything to be supportive. Showing up with honesty, care, and healthy boundaries allows you to be there for them without burning out. You don’t need to carry the weight of loving someone who struggles with mental illness all on your shoulders. Knowing your boundaries and protecting your own mental health is just as important as supporting the ones you love. Be consistent and present for yourself as well as the people in your life that you are caring for as you are both equally important.

You matter too.

Our team of caring professionals at Inspired Wellness are here to provide support and guidance towards your path of mental wellness. We believe that every individual has the ability to be the best version of themselves and our goal is to set you up with the tools to maintain a well-balanced life that will place you on the path towards lifelong change. We strive to create a non-judgmental environment coupled with therapeutic practices that are tailored towards each individual. At Inspired Wellness our team aims to do exactly as our name says, inspire you towards a beautiful life of strength and wellness!